Channeling the Muse
My limbs are pulled in every direction
a tear to my left rips the seam of a worn down pajama shirt
A tug to my right pops a shoulder from its perch in the cap.
I groan as the demand creeps up my trembling arms into my frazzled heart.
Layered tones assault my ears. I palm over them to dampen the sound
Dimensions of reality and illusion collapse in on my head
I fear what I can’t know,
Fear I can’t pay attention to the right thing,
Fear I’ve forgotten what I’m doing.
I breathe in….
But the shiny rectangle shakes its way off the end of the table.
An off key G sings on the piano next to a cascade of stomping feet
I plant firmly in the middle of it all desperately attempting to sort through the input.
The air I pull in, is dirty some how ….
Muddied like my thoughts.
Jumbled up in watermelon knot.
As I swallow down sustenance in a feigned attempt to nourish my belly.
Even though I’m full from the world around me.
Another chime sings me away from my heart center
Calling me into another crisis
Beckoning me away from the task I’ve attempted to complete for the 5th time today.
My jaw clenches down as I squeeze red from my blistered cheeks.
It’s too much.
I’m too much
This is too much….
I am torn apart
Dividing myself into infinite parts,
To be a little bit of everything for everyone.
“GET DOWN” I bellow from the chasm of frustration pounding in my chest.
Wet paws prance soiled prints on the all too beaten down couch cushion
I can’t do this.
I can’t do this alone.
I dont want to do this alone…
And so I bend in
fold my legs into me
Allow my eyes to glaze over
While the sounds intensify before they soften
And I permit the the world to get just a little bit hazy
I acknowledge the pain aching in my belly, My bad temper leaking out from the corner of my mouth
while shame drips from my flared nostrils.
I breathe in
Just one breath.
Just one sacred uninterrupted breath …
I feel a softbuzz around my ankles
Move up to my calves.
That sensation brings me home
I breathe in
Just one more breath
The sensation spreads beyond my finger tips.
If I had to I could get up and do the dishes
Or break up an ongoing battle of brothers.
But maybe just one more breathe into my heart space for good measure
My jaw, once clenched fills with the warmth of a sunflower petal on my beckoning cheek.
I radiate in breath
I pause on the out
I sit here with spirit imprint sensation, and feel…
I feel …
I feel…
Relief.
Even if just for one holy moment.
I remind myself to check my expectations, and hang my happiness on a coat rack for later.
I breathe in the chaos of this moment
And fill with Spirit strength
I remind myself I’m held.
I am seen.
I am supported.
I breathe in the chaos of this moment
I am not alone.
With an ounce of intention I can find spirit
And Spirit can find me
And I permit myself to feel comfort
Chills cascade down my shoulder blades into my hips.
I am supported.
As spirit rests an angelic hand on my crown.
I hold the vastness of opposites
The infinite rebellion of an energized home
With the calm of spirit cloaked around my shoulders
I am safe.
As I receive Her kiss upon minds eye.
And send that wave of love down from my brow to the tips of my malnourished toes.
I am home.
I breathe.
I summon spirit and I fill with Her scent.
It may only be a moment but it’s a moment worth feeling.
Exercise:
What does it feel like when you are channeling the muse? What happens in your sensory body? Do you set aside time to to channel? Or do you do so ‘on the go’? Share your experience!
